I am skiing, and I am extremely cold. So cold that I am shivering through my bibs when the wind picks up. So cold that my fingers and toes scream for me to warm them, demand every ounce of my attention, to the point where the fun, pretty, long trail that I want to enjoy is not enjoyable because I can’t get to a hut fast enough. I’m so cold! Also I hate these slippery rental skis. Everything about this experience is uncomfortable and I am suffering. 🥶
I hate this, really. Not this experience, per se, but the narration of it unhelpfully contributed by my mind. I hate how there is an edge in my mind that once I fall off, it becomes impossible to return to homeostasis. We were having a pleasant time, weren’t we? Pleasant was the goal of this whole endeavor. But now pleasant feels like a distant country. Farther than this hut that I ache to get to so that I can get warm. I don’t even know the way to pleasant anymore. It’s probably frozen over, like hell, like my mind.
What is colder – my surroundings, or my mind?
What you see: smiling selfies. What you don't: tears and expletives over my exposed and aching hand.
No, now I think I am so uncomfortable that it is ruined. The mood, the day. I want to cry and wail. It hurts! It is scary! Whatever it is, I don’t like it and I want to quit! That’s what it amounts to. Giving up. I’m done. I’m done with being uncomfortable. I want to feel good. I intend to feel good. And I don't want to let the weather or my skis ruin a perfectly good day of skiing, but they are very present. Their presence makes themselves known. Just when you think you might be able to have a good time… how far away is this damn hut!?
The trees are nice, objectively speaking, but for some reason, I cannot feel the niceness in my heart, only the aching in my fingers. Let’s hope the wind doesn’t pick up again, drowning out everything except my thoughts. Useless wind. Oh, god forbid, a stopped chair lift. Thank god I’m not on that chairlift, except I will be, later, when it stops again. And another one, stopping again too. Many stopped chair lifts, in fact. What is wrong with these chairlifts? What is wrong with these skiiers is more like it. Amateur hour.
Who’s this cautious tourist who just cut me off on a turn? Wait a second, why are all these people who barely know how to ski on this run? What are they doing here? This is the backcountry! Get out of my way so I can pick up some speed on this hill before I get to the road that never ends and I have to row myself out because I have the wrong skis and frozen hot dogs for hands! Ugh. I don’t trust any of these people on this ice. I barely trust myself. I do not want to leave here with an injury. I saw too many sad girls in the village with leg braces. Okay, I saw two. Two too many! And why didn’t I buy myself that overpriced, overbaked cookie at the hut?
Probably because I knew it was a futile attempt, a passing delight, a blip in the enjoyment of the day that had flatlined long ago.
We all have those days. (At least, I hope you have these days too. 😅) When our minds get the best of us like a runaway skier about to crash into a tree.
It is a particularly human experience, to have an experience almost completely defined by the story we are telling ourselves about it.
If we were animals without language, we would simply feel sensations, and do something about them. Instead our minds narrate the experience as though there needs to be more to the story than feel cold: seek warmth. No, now it’s become about a day “ruined” by not just the weather, but by the skis, the tourists, the chairlifts and the awareness that my mind is the problem that I’m not doing anything to fix.
So, how to fix it? Three options...
Option One: Change Course
No one was forcing me to continue skiing. I could leave whenever I wanted to. There’s probably a very nice warm hot tub somewhere waiting for me. You don’t like your environment, change it.
Option Two: Modify the Course
It’s very cold and I want to continue skiing. So I am going to take a break in the hut as often as I need. After every run if I have to. Am I going to get to do as many runs today as I had hoped? No. Am I going to spend more time in the hut than I had hoped? Yes. Okay. 🤷♀️ At least I get to ski.
Option Three: Stay the Course, Change Yourself
Thank you, mind, for making sure that I am aware of the cold so that I do something about it! I hear you. We are cold. So I am going to do something about it, as soon as possible, and that’s enough on that subject for now. The hut is far, but I’m so glad that there’s a hut at all! And you know, the conditions aren’t the best, so maybe it’s not the skis, but the terrain that I’m having trouble with. Thank you skis for doing your best. And wow, look at all these people learning to ski! Aren’t we all lucky to get to enjoy this mountain? I hope that everyone stays safe. I hope that chairlift gets going soon. One benefit of having to row myself up this road is that it builds heat! Let’s go have a cookie while we warm up in the hut.
1. Can I change the experience?
2. Can I change my expectation of the experience?
3. Can I reframe the way I am experiencing the experience?
For the record I made it through the rest of the day as Option Two. Someday we’ll get there, Option Three. I know you’re waiting for me with open arms in the land of Pleasant.
Hot Latte for a Cold Writer? 😂
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Warm My Heart
